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Is this guy for real? Pope said child rape was normal in his day...

Vatican Christmas Shocker! Pope says child rape isn't that bad, was normal back in his day

Belfast Telegraph

Is the game up for the Catholic Church? Sadly not, as many of its brainwashed members will continue to support it in spite of its now overt symptoms of psychopathology.Victims of clerical sex abuse have reacted furiously to Pope Benedict's claim yesterday that paedophilia wasn't considered an "absolute evil" as recently as the 1970s.

In his traditional Christmas address yesterday to cardinals and officials working in Rome, Pope Benedict XVI also claimed that child pornography was increasingly considered "normal" by society.

"In the 1970s, paedophilia was theorised as something fully in conformity with man and even with children," the Pope said.

"It was maintained - even within the realm of Catholic theology - that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a 'better than' and a 'worse than'. Nothing is good or bad in itself."

The Pope said abuse revelations in 2010 reached "an unimaginable dimension" which brought "humiliation" on the Church.

Asking how abuse exploded within the Church, the Pontiff called on senior clerics "to repair as much as possible the injustices that occurred" and to help victims heal through a better presentation of the Christian message.

"We cannot remain silent about the context of these times in which these events have come to light," he said, citing the growth of child pornography "that seems in some way to be considered more and more normal by society" he said.

But outraged Dublin victim Andrew Madden last night insisted that child abuse was not considered normal in the company he kept.

Mr Madden accused the Pope of not knowing that child pornography was the viewing of images of children being sexually abused, and should be named as such.

He said: "That is not normal. I don't know what company the Pope has been keeping for the past 50 years."

Pope Benedict also said sex tourism in the Third World was "threatening an entire generation".

Angry abuse victims in America last night said that while some Church officials have blamed the liberalism of the 1960s for the Church's sex abuse scandals and cover-up catastrophes, Pope Benedict had come up with a new theory of blaming the 1970s.

"Catholics should be embarrassed to hear their Pope talk again and again about abuse while doing little or nothing to stop it and to mischaracterise this heinous crisis," said Barbara Blaine, the head of SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests,

"It is fundamentally disturbing to watch a brilliant man so conveniently misdiagnose a horrific scandal," she added.

"The Pope insists on talking about a vague 'broader context' he can't control, while ignoring the clear 'broader context' he can influence - the long-standing and unhealthy culture of a rigid, secretive, all-male Church hierarchy fixated on self-preservation at all costs. This is the 'context' that matters."

The latest controversy comes as the German magazine Der Spiegel continues to investigate the Pope's role in allowing a known paedophile priest to work with children in the early 1980s.

Related articles: http://kiwiriverman.blogspot.com

Was the crashed Roswell alien ship in 1947 really a Soviet spy plane - new book's claim...

Was Area 51 developed after the controversial Roswell alien ship crash theory in 1947? Was it actually a Soviet spy plane? New questions, new claims in Annie Jacobsen's book.

American journalist Annie Jacobsen has apparently shocked even the most devoted conspiracy theorists with new claims about the controversial "Area 51" installation in the Nevada desert 75 miles north of Las Vegas.

After decades of controversial discussion by other commentators, Annie Jacobsen claims there were no weather balloons, no alien ship that crashed near Roswell, Mexico, in 1947, but perhaps a crashed Soviet spy plane controlled by disfigured adolescents, two of whom initially survived. And she also strongly suggested they were formerly linked to infamous Nazi scientist Doctor Mengele.

And Ms Jacobsen also claims that 'Area 51' engineers and pilots reverse-engineered Soviet made MiG fighters and developed the present drones (unmanned aircraft) that have been used to bomb Afghanistan and Pakistan in recent years.

Dig around a little and the technology that spawned the Stealth aircraft of recent years will be revealed. While her accounts are reportedly strong and believeable, there is no credibility because the documents she discusses remain classified.

http://kiwiriverman.blogspot.com

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Neither Wyatt Earp, his brothers, close friend Doc Holliday or the Clantons were in sight at the Ruiz corral down in old Mexico.

Gunmen from two rival drug gangs fought a ferocious gunfight that killed 28 men on a highway in the west Mexican town of Ruiz recently.

Police initially responded to a kidnapping complaint involving a group of armed men. As the police headed towards the scene, a second report came through about a shoot-out involving the same group.

Police discovered 28 men lying dead and another four wounded when they arrived at the scene.Ten vehicles had been left abandoned.

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New book claims Hitler and the Nazis tried to breed super 'talking dogs'...

A new book claims that Hitler's Nazi scientists attempted to breed a secret army of 'super dogs' that could speak, read and write. From the realms of science fiction? Apparently they convinced Adolph Hitler it was possible.

The activities of the Tier-Spreschschule were bizarre to say the least. It was one of many experiments carried out in the search for a secret weapon to help Nazi Germany win the war.

Dogs allegedly sent to an Animal Speech School near Hanover, included an Airedale terrier called Rolf who could, it was claimed, spell by tapping his paw on a board; each letter of the alphabet was represented by a certain number of taps. Rolf was said to have discussed religion, learnt foreign languages, written poetry and once asked a visiting noblewomen, "Can you wag your tail?"

A German pointer named Don impressed his handlers by apparently imitating a human voice to bark: 'Hungry! Give me cakes." Another was said to bark "Mein Fuhrer" when asked who Adolph Hitler was.

Jan Bondeson, a historian at Cardiff University, claims the Nazis believed dogs were almost as intelligent as humans, and that physical limitations prevented them from interacting as equals. Experiments were carried out to find evidence of telepathy betwwen dog and man.

However, Bondeson's research for his book Amazing Dogs: A Cabinet of Canine Curiosities found no evidence that the German Army ever found a tactical use for its educated hounds.

Just another tall story from the Nazi archives.

Related articles
•Did Hitler Try to Breed Talking Nazi Dogs? (newsfeed.time.com)
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•Nazis Tried To Train Dogs To Read, Write, And Speak, New Jan Bondeson Book Says (weirdnews.aol.com)
•Nazis tried to train dogs to talk and tap out signals as part of war effort (mirror.co.uk)

American preacher,Harold Camping, from California fell flat on hs prophetic face with his false judgement that the world would end on May 21 2011 - it was off by five months according to him. He has made some new calculations and things would actually end on October 21, 2011, this year. Yeah right, Mr Camping!

Harold was so upset that 200 million Christians would not be joining him on Judgement Day, that he fled to a motel with his wife. Camping in a motel, perhaps?

His independent ministry, Family Radio International, allegedly spent millions of dollars -some donations - on more than 5,000 billboards plastered with Judgement Daymessages. One follower personally spent $140,000 in savings on this religious crackpot's inane claims.

It's not the first time he has failed in his apolyptic predictions - the first in 1994.

Every person with even a shred of grey brain matter knows that 2012 is the most popular year that many seers from the Hopi Indians to Nostrodamus have predicted as "judgement day" - but most state it is more about a time of great human change, rather than some cataclysmic and apolyptic disaster.

The real jugement day is known only by the creator - there is no code to be deciphered in the Bible.

http://huttriver8.blogspot.com

Looters have no conscience or empathy - looting in Christchurch...

A warning to watch out for goods sold by looters has been issued after recent reports of repeated looting from Christchurch homes and businesses.

People looking to pick up a bargain should be wary of encouraging looters in quake-hit Christchurch, according to the anonymous tip-off organisation Crimestoppers.

The warning comes after recent reports of repeated looting from Christchurch homes and businesses.

Crimestoppers chief executive Lou Gardiner said looters had "no conscience or empathy" and would invariably sell stolen goods on the cheap to get rid of them.

Potential buyers should ask questions of the seller to determine where the goods had come from, he said.

"These looters and thieves can only exist because of willingness of others to purchase cheap goods without asking themselves some obvious questions."

Mr Gardiner said residents had the chance to make a real contribution by helping to identify criminals and recover stolen goods.

"If you have real suspicions about the origin of the items then ring your local police, or if you have some reluctance to do that for whatever reason, contact Crimestoppers and provide the information anonymously."

Acknowledgements: - NZPA

http://peter-petterson.blogspot.com

Russian Interior Ministry troops fed dog food to cut costs...

In what is a chilling reminder of conditions in armed forces in the Stalinist era, claims have emerged from Russia that Russian Interior Ministry troops were fed dog food to cut costs.

The (rare) whistle-blower, who was a former major in the ministry, Igor Matveyev, said officers tried to cover up the scandal and other wrongdoings at the Interior Ministry troops base where he had been based in the far eastern city of Vladivostok

"Its embarrasing to say but soldiers were fed dog food. It was fed to them in stew." Matveyev said.

Adding, " dog food labels were covered up by other labels reading" premium quality beef."

Just how far up the Russian military foodchain does this scandal go? Some officials are bound to lose their heads over this, but fortunately won't end up in some gulag in Siberia like thousands of their predecessors in decades past.

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High Noon in the Pacific...

by Peter Petterson

A diplomatic incident has occurred between the two Pacific Island nations of Fiji and Tonga.

Fiji claims a Tongan patrol craft entered Fijian waters and spirited away political fugitive, Colonel Tevita Mara, the son of the late Ratu Sir Kamisese Mara, the founding prime minister and a former President of Fiji.

Colonel Tevita Uluilakeba Mara is the recent commander of the Third Fiji Infantry Regiment. He and land force commander, Colonel Pita Diriti were arrested a week ago and charged with organising a mutiny to overthrow the dictator of Fiji, Commodore Frank Bainimarama, who is also the self-appointed prime minister of Fiji who refuses democratic elections in the island state. Bainimarama led a coup against the former democratically elected government in 2006. He was head of the Fijian armed forces at that time.

The Tongan Navy allegedly sent a mission of "rescue" into Fijian waters with a patrol boat spiriting the Fijian army officer to Tonga and protection by King George Tupou there. Bainimarama demands that Tonga hands Colonel back to Fijian authorites. Colonel Mara also has family ties in Tonga as well. It could prove to be a really delicate situation.

Tonga claims it rescued Colonel Mara in international waters, despite Fijian claims to the contrary. Fiji claims Tonga has breached Fijian sovereignty. Earlier this year Tonga claims the Fijian Navy sent a vessel to the remote and disputed Minerva Atoll (between Tonga and New Zealand) and blew up navigation lights there.

Neither New Zealand or Australia want to become involved in the dispute. They do not wish to interfere in the domestic affairs of either country. But it is possible that at some future stage they could be asked to assist. The Tongan King approved the mission by telephone from Europe where he is visiting at present. The New Zealand Navy frigate HMNZ Otago is presently in port in Tonga on totally unrelated business. Fiji appears to have a standing army that is not in proportion to its population. It could actually be closer in numbers to the permanent New Zealand combined defence forces. Fiji also has a police force of significant numberical strength.

There are claims that Fijian dictator, Commodore Frank Bainimarama's future is at risk, and this diplomatic crisis could well end his illegal regime with another coup by the armed forces removing him from power. Fiji's military appointed Attorney-General, Aiyaz Khayum has been suggested as being a power-broker behind the unwell, and morally and intellectually weakened Commodore Bainimarama, who is allegedly now just a hand-puppet to shadowy forces behind the regime. These two Fijian leaders may well go head to head in the near future, and the loser could well be Bainimarama himself.

http://kiwiriverman.blogspot.com

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History and Culture:

The Swedish Vikings

Merchants or robbers?

The name "Viking" was first used by foreign authors in the 11th century AD. Its origin is probably the Swedish word for bay, "vik". This shows the close connection between the people and the sea, of which they were totally dependent for their livelihood. They had a mythology of their own. Their gods were called "asar", The Vikings are often considered wild, drunken, merciless robbers. In fact, their main occupation was farming and trade. The Viking expeditions were mostly trade expeditions that sometimes degenerated to looting. But to be honest, there were also expeditions whose main purpose was to loot foreign coastal regions.

The Swedish Vikings:

here is a distinction between "Swedish" and "Danish/Norwegian" Vikings. The Danish and Norwegian expeditions went westwards, concentrating on Western Europe and England. The Swedish, on the other hand, went mostly eastwards into modern-day Russia and further on to Byzantium and the Caliphate. Runestones and archaeological artefacts found in eastern Sweden and on the island of Gotland show that the trade exchange between eastern Sweden and the Near East was very intense at this time in history. These expeditions often started from trade centres like "Birka", situated on an island in Lake Mälaren, not far from modern-day Stockholm. The Vikings also settled in the Russian town of Novgorod, which they called "Holmgård". As time went by their influence on the economic and political life grew and became decisive. According to a chronicle written in the 12th century AD, the Swedish Vikings were the founders of Russia. Although this is not very likely, the influence of the Vikings is still visible. The name Russia for instance, probably originates from one of the names of the Swedish Vikings, "ruser".

The way towards a state:

uring the Viking period (circa 750-1060 AD) the Swedish state began to take form. At the beginning of the period the power structure in Scandinavia was built mainly on small chiefdoms, where small local chiefs ruled over a limited area, often not more far-reaching than a large farm or a village. These chiefdoms grew in some areas and became more extensive as time went by. In what was to become Sweden two "tribes" or local "nationalities", "Göter" and "Svear" became the most influential and formed two "states" with kings as leaders. Later in history these "states" merged and formed Sweden. Even today we talk about "Götaland" (the Land of Göter) and "Svealand" (the Land of Svear).

The Gods:

According to Nordic mythology the gods lived in "Asgård", the humans in "Midgård, and the giants in "Jotunheim". These places were situated in the world tree, the ash tree "Yggdrasil". The most important god was "Oden", the lord of gods and humans. After battles, he took the fallen Vikings to "Valhall" on his horse "Sleipner". Other gods were "Frö", the god of love and fertility and "Fröja", the goddess of love and fertility. The perhaps most famous among the gods is "Tor" the mightiest warrior of them all. He was the god of thunder and had a hammer called "Mjölner" which, like a boomerang, returned to his hand after he had thrown it.

http://www.sverigeturism.se/smorgasbord/smorga

http://huttsblogesphere.blogspot.com

War raging between two internet giants...

From Huttriver8 comes this interesting story: Facebook is allegedly red-faced after a dirty tricks campaign against Google.

The war between the two internet giants reportedly exploded into the open recently after it was revealed that Facebook had paid a leading public relations company to run a dirty tricks campaign against Google.

The social networking site admitted it hired global agency Burson-Marsteller to place negative stories about Google in newspapers, magazines and online.

Claims and counter-claims spread across the internet recently, and the rivalry between the two companies was fully revealed for all and sundry to see.

Burson- Marsteller, who is owned by British group WPP, said it regretted working for Facebook on those terms and had terminated its contract.

Facebook obviously sees Google as its biggest future threat. Google has reportedly built up a big team in recent months to develop rival social networking products.

The scandal came to light after a blogger published an email exchange showing how BM touted stories on behalf of an unnamed client about a Google service, known as Google Circles.

The PR company allegedly said it could help the blogger write opinion pieces criticising Googles system. and then help it place the stories with the media, including the Washington Post, Politico.com and the Huffington Post. Nothing was offered to the Kiwi Riverman Post, however.

The blogger who I won't name here, did not want to pursue the story, apparently describing it as "making a mountain out of a molehill". Probably a good decision. He did post the emails online.

The controversy continues. Google has declined comment and probably won't take legal action against those involved.

Acknowledgements: The Times

http://huttriver8.blogspot.com

http://huttsblogesphere.blogspot.com

The long slide to oblivion for al Qaeda and its fellow travellers...

by Peter Petterson

It has been stated in various news reports that the US Obama administration is feasting on and heralding the psychological impact on al Qaeda of the loss of Osama bin Ladin. Can you blame them for what is a huge impact on international terrorism, because despite claims to the contary, he continually had his fingers in the pie in planning future terrorist attacks.

The US vast intelligence analysis machine will gorge themselves on the extensive material Osama bin Ladin left behind. The mine of digital information he gathered in his years at Abbottabad reveals him as not being remote and irrelevant as many claimed, but actually meticulously connected to the al Qaeda rank and file and still determined to destroy the US and its western allies.

While he may have been deluded about US society, he was endlessly inventive with schemes to throw it into chaos; he may have thought US society was still struggling with the aftermath of 9/11, not realising it had moved on and had developed defensive capabilities such as the special forces attack that eliminated him.

The US has much to learn and digest about Bin Ladins future plans, including attacks on its domestic rail network in future months. Al Qaeda may not have lost its head, but certainly its brain.

The US will expect more of what has happened in recent days, suicide bombings that killed 80 and injured more than a 100 in Pakistan, and claimed by the Taleban as revenge for bin Ladin's assassination, because that is what it was in reality. Ten years late many would claim!

He may well be a martyr for al Qaeda's cause, but I feel its the beginning of a long slide to oblivion for radical Islam. The message coming out of the number of uprisings against dictatorial regimes is for democratic change, not widespread Islamic jihad and the implementation of Sharia regimes.

http://kiwiriverman.blogspot.com

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Swiss man discovered he was part of cannibal's menu...

A cannibal has been arrested in Slovakia after his dinner guest found out he was on the menu and called police.

The 43-year-old suspected man-eater had posted an advertisement online seeking someone who wanted to be killed, cooked and eaten, the Daily Mail reports.

The would-be-victim, from Switzerland, answered the ad, thinking it was just a "macabre fantasy game".

But when he spoke to the 43-year-old on the phone he realised he was "deadly serious".

He called Swiss police who alerted the Slovakian authorities.

"It appears this man was genuinely seeking to eat some," a police spokesman said.

"His advert said he wanted someone who would agree to be put to sleep then killed, cut up, cooked and eaten."

Detectives posed as the victim to catch the man in the northeastern village of Kysak.

A gunfight broke out during the arrest, and both the suspected cannibal and a police man were shot.

Both are being treated in hospital.

Acknowledgements: MSN News

Osama bin Ladin already from disease, says Iran...

BREAKING NEWS; 'Bin Laden dead long before US raid'. Osama Died of Disease.

Iran's intelligence minister says the country has reliable information that former head of the al-Qaeda terrorist group Osama bin Laden died of disease some time ago.

“We have accurate information that bin Laden died of illness some time ago,” Heidar Moslehi told reporters on the sidelines of a Cabinet meeting on Sunday.

He questioned Washington's claim that bin Laden was killed by American troops in a hiding compound in Pakistan on May 1.

“If the US military and intelligence apparatus have really arrested or killed bin Laden, why don't they show him (his dead body) why have they thrown his corpse into the sea?” Moslehi asked.

“When we apprehended [former Jundallah ringleader Abdul Malik] Rigi, we showed him and also aired his interview,” ISNA quoted the intelligence chief as saying.

By releasing such false news, he said, the White House seeks to overshadow regional awakening.

Moslehi said US officials resort to such PR campaigns to divert attention from their domestic problems as well as their “fragile” economic situation.

US President Barack Obama claimed that Osama bin Laden was killed by US forces on May 1 in a hiding compound in Pakistan.

A US official later announced that bin Laden's body was abruptly buried at sea, falsely boasting that his hasty burial was in accordance with the Islamic law, requiring burial within 24 hours of death.

However, burial at sea is not an Islamic practice and Islam does not have a timeframe for burial.

US officials also claimed their decision for a sea burial was made because no country would accept bin Laden's remains, without elaborating on which countries were actually contacted on the matter.

Analysts, however, have raised serious questions as to why US officials did not allow for the application of a DNA test to officially confirm the identity of the corpse before its hasty burial.

Acknowledgements: Global Research

http://globalresearch.ca

Dog of War - would have run Osama bin Ladin down, if he had tried to flee...

The dog used in the US raid on Osama bin Laden was trained to sniff out bombs and booby-traps, and would have run down the al-Qaeda mastermind if he had tried to escape, according to reports.

The identity of the military super-dog, like that of the 79 Navy SEALs involved in the operation in Pakistan last Sunday, will remain a secret.

But experts say the canine is either a German shepherd or Belgian Malinois — breeds the US army believe have "the best overall combination of keen sense of smell, endurance, speed, strength, courage, intelligence and adaptability to almost any climatic condition", according to a military fact sheet cited in the New York Times.

In the Abbottabad compound raid, the dog was equipped with protective body armour before rappelling onto the ground from a hovering helicopter in a support harness attached to its handler, according to US media reports.

This particular dog was known for its bomb-sniffing prowess and The Daily reports it was trained to "sniff out enemy troops from up to [3km] away".

The German and Belgian shepherd dogs can run twice as fast as humans, so if bin Laden tried to escape on foot the dog could have stopped his getaway, the Atlantic reports.

The US Army has invested heavily in training dogs for combat, deploying about 3000 canines that can parachute, rappel or swim into action.

The Navy SEALs recently bought four tactical vests for their dogs worth $20,000, each with infrared and night-vision cameras that allow handlers in bomb detection situations to see what the dog sees, but from a safe distance.

The handler can also give commands to the dog via a speaker on its vest.

General David Petraeus, commander of US forces in Afghanistan, told US network ABC News: "The capability [the dogs] bring to the fight cannot be replicated by man or machine.

"By all measures of performance, their yield outperforms any asset we have in our industry."

Dogs were officially inducted into the US Army in 1942 for use during World War II.

Acknowledgements: MSN News

http://huttriver8.blogspot.com

The little Firefly out-performs humans as light producers...

By Peter Petterson

First Published at Qondio:

Only a little being, the common firefly or lightning bug can be found in both temperate and tropical regions of Planet Earth. There are 2,000 species of this insect. Their larvae also emit light and are known as glow-worms.

It can be recognised by the flashing light it uses to attract a mate, or confuse a potential predator.

Reportedly, and interestingly enough, the firefly's light is actually superior to the incadescent and fluorscent lights produced by humankind. In fact the next time you have a look at your power bill, which always seems to be increaing these days around the western world, consider just what this little insect can do. It is actually quite amazing.

1/ An incadescent lightbulb emits only 10% of its energy as light, the other 90% is wasted as discharged heat.

2/ A fluorescent lightbulb is vastly superior, emitting up to 90% of its energy as light, wasting a mere 10% as discharged heat.

However, neither of the above are in the same league and fail to match the little firefly. With very few ultraviolet or infared rays,this insect emits almost 100% of its energy as light - cold light!

The Firefly's secret actually lies in the chemical reactions of the substance luciferon, the enzyme luciferase, and oxygen. Special cells called photocytes use the luciferase to trigger this process, with oxygen as fuel.

The result of this process is called cold-light - so named because it produces virtually no heat. Light-bulb inventer, Thomas Edison must have been envious of this little insect.

http://worldofcae.blogspot.com THE GREEN PLANET blog

http://huttriver.qondio.com/

Pipfruit NZ pleased with new apple standards for resumption of exports to Australia...

Just posted this at Anzac Bloggers Unite, and thought I should post it here too.

Pipfruit New Zealand says new draft import standards for sending apples to Australia are a vast improvement on previous versions. The first since 1921, after NZ's exports were banned on dubious reports about apple blight in Auckland.

Chief executive Peter Beaven says Biosecurity Australia's new set of conditions are much more workable and do not include uneconomic restrictions, such as orchard inspections and putting the fruit through chlorine baths before export.

Australia was forced to review its import risk analysis for New Zealand apples and negotiate a new set of conditions after the World Trade Organisation upheld a decision it made in 2010 that Australia broke international trade rules with its restrictions on importing apples from New Zealand.

It ended a dispute between the two countries dating since 1921, when Australia banned apple imports from New Zealand after the bacterial disease fireblight was found on apples trees in the Auckland region.

Mr Beaven says the revised standards will make access for New Zealand apples much easier and believes the process will be completed later this year with exports beginning in 2012.

The draft import standards are open to public comment for 60 days before a final report is confirmed, he says.

Acknowledgements: © 2011, Radio New Zealand

http://anzacbloggersunite.blog.co.uk

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct, but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

Bill Gates' Adventures in Heaven...

Ever wondered what heaven looks like ?

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.

Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks, while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd. Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens, face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.

"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the voice of any clerk in any overgrown bureaucracy. "My name is Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator." Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, I'm not the Archangel Gabriel. I'm just a guy from Philadelphia named Gabriel who died in a car wreck at the age of 17. Now give me your name, last name first, unless you were Chinese in which case it's first name first."

"Gates, Bill." Gabriel started searching though the sheaf of papers on his clipboard, looking for Bill's Record of Earthly Works. "What's going on here?" asked Bill. "Why are all these people here? Where's Saint Peter? Where are the Pearly Gates?"

Gabriel ignored the questions until he located Bill's records. Then Gabriel looked up in surprise. "It says here that you were the president of a large software company. Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Well then, do the math chip-head! When this Saint Peter business started, it was an easy gig. Only a hundred or so people died every day, and Peter could handle it all by himself, no problem. But now there are over five billion people on earth. Jesus, when God said to 'go forth and multiply,' he didn't say 'like rabbits!' With that large a population, ten thousand people die every hour. Over a quarter-million people a day. Do you think Peter can meet them all personally?" "I guess not."

"You guess right."

So Peter had to franchise the operation. Now, Peter is the CEO of Team Peter Enterprises, Inc. He just sits in the corporate headquarters and sets policy. Franchisees like me handle the actual inductions." Gabriel looked though his paperwork some more, and then continued. "Your paperwork seems to be in order. And with a background like yours, you'll be getting a plum job assignment."

"Job assignment?"

"Of course. Did you expect to spend the rest of eternity sitting on your ass and drinking ambrosia? Heaven is a big operation. You have to pull your weight around here!" Gabriel took out a triplicate form, had Bill sign at the bottom, and then tore out the middle copy and handed it to Bill. "Take this down to induction center #23 and meet up with your occupational orientator. His name is Abraham." Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, he's not *that* Abraham." Bill walked down a muddy trail for ten miles until he came to induction center #23. He met with Abraham after a mere six-hour wait.

"Heaven is centuries behind in building its data processing infrastructure," explained Abraham. "As you've seen, we're still doing everything on paper. It takes us a week just to process new entries."

"I had to wait *three* weeks," said Bill. Abraham stared at Bill angrily, and Bill realized that he'd made a mistake. Even in Heaven, it's best not to contradict a bureaucrat. "Well," Bill offered, "maybe that Bosnia thing has you guys backed up."

Abraham's look of anger faded to mere annoyance. "Your job will be to supervise Heaven's new data processing center. We're building the largest computing facility in creation. Half a million computers connected by a multi-segment fiber optic network, all running into a back-end server network with a thousand CPUs on a gigabit channel. Fully fault tolerant. Fully distributed processing. The works."

Bill could barely contain his excitement. "Wow! What a great job! This is really Heaven!"

"We're just finishing construction, and we'll be starting operations soon. Would you like to go see the center now?"

"You bet!"

Abraham and Bill caught the shuttle bus and went to Heaven's new data processing center. It was a truly huge facility, a hundred times bigger than the Astrodome. Workmen were crawling all over the place, getting the miles of fiber optic cables properly installed. But the center was dominated by the computers. Half a million computers, arranged neatly row-by-row, half a million ....
.... Macintoshes ....
.... all running Claris software! Not a PC in sight! Not a single byte of Microsoft code!

The thought of spending the rest of eternity using products that he had spent his whole life working to destroy was too much for Bill. "What about PCs???" he exclaimed. "What about Windows??? What about Excel??? What about Word???"

"You're forgetting something," said Abraham.

"What's that?" asked Bill plaintively.

"This is Heaven," explained Abraham. "We need a computer system that's heavenly to use. If you want to build a data processing center based on PCs running Windows, then ....

.... GO TO HELL!"

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